The Tragic Side of Life and Loving...

Life has a funny but tragic way of sneaking up on us sometimes and demonstrating the importance of not taking things for granted. As I posted last our plans for Easter Sunday were to go to church, go pick up my mother-in-law Loretta, and then spend the day quietly at home letting Loretta enjoy her time with the kids at our place.  Sadly, Loretta called Easter morning to say that she seemed to have a stomach bug and wouldn't feel comfortable coming to our home for Easter.  We were disappointed, but understanding.  The plan was then for her to come to our place this coming Wednesday since Jim was to be off work that day.  Both days I told myself that I wanted to take lots of pictures of Loretta and the boys since it seemed that far too often there just weren't enough photos of her and the kids.


Saturday April 6th, 2013 Loretta woke up in the morning after having a wonderful hour long conversation with her brother the night before telling him that she was feeling great and had a busy weekend planned with friends, and she sadly suffered what is believed to be a stroke and tragically left this Earth. 

I received a phone call Saturday afternoon from a friend of hers who said that they had plans to go shopping together but she was unable to get a hold of her all morning.  I attempted to call, and there was no answer, so after three failed attempts to reach her I called Jim at work and he sadly had to make the discovery that his Mom had passed.

It was not a pretty scene, and to see your Mom - someone you love so dearly, who has taken care of your boo-boo's, the simple things like your laundry, your highs and lows in life,  who has shared thousands of memories with you, laughed with you and cried with you- laying there lifeless is traumatic.  For that, my heart aches for my husband.

My heart also aches for my boys who have lost another grandparent at such a young age.  I doubt that Nick will remember her, and the memories that Roman has at four I am afraid will fade with age.  Knowing that she was a good person, a good woman - so full of life and laughter it hurts me that they will never know that and share that with her. And although they felt it, they will never understand her wisdom and selfless, unconditional love she offered to everyone.  But I am thankful that I can share that with them as they grow.  Thankful that in the ten years that I have known her, I have shared so many memories with her and can value both the good and the bad times.

I sit here today, my eyes still burning from the tears I have cried this weekend, still wanting more closure than the two funny phone conversations I had with her the Wednesday and Thursday before she passed, and still wishing for one more phone call, or picture or hug - anything more than the closure you get from a frantic phone call from your husband saying- "She's gone! She's gone!" But still understanding that we must be thankful for the time that we did have no matter how sudden things ended.

There is a famous saying- 'It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.' And so much truth in that saying is felt today.  I thank God we had the chance to love her and know her while she was here, but the heartbreak in its aftermath is very difficult. 

Perhaps we will never quite have the closure that some would consider ideal,  we didn't get to say goodbye, but would that have meant her suffering longer than necessary?  She insisted that she did not want  a funeral or memorial service and would that have helped with our closure? Perhaps, but it is more honorable to put our selfish wants to the side to respect her wishes.  It would seem that our closure will come with time...as they say time heals all wounds... and so we shall see. 

Our last photo of Loretta.
Sunday March 10th, 2013 - Roman's 4th birthday party. 

I will close on what I will miss most about Loretta and what I hope, as I age and my memories fade as they often do as we get older, I am able to always easily recall.  For me, whenever I have lost a loved one there were certain things I would miss, whether it be their smell, their voice, or their laughter and I would oftentimes try to replay it in my mind or identify it in hopes of never loosing it as time passed without them.  And for Loretta that is her simple amused giggle and the way her eyes lit up each and every time she was with our boys.  I cannot explain it, and it would have to be seen to be understood, but it was there with every visit.  She loved them so much, and recalling Roman running down the hallway of her apartment shouting-"Grandma! Grandma!" as he approached her door is both heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time.  There was a bond there that will always be missed, and that amused giggle is forever on my mind and I hope to recall it often. 

Let us all remember that nothing is forever, take nothing for granted, live your life doing things that make you happy and don't wait another day to make that phone call or take a picture or visit a friend or to simply tell someone that you love them... because you truly never know when your time is up.

With love, understanding and a heavy heart... TH

xxoo